Joe Vitale explains in some interview:
Dr. Hew Len, my co-author and the man who taught me Ho’oponopono, has this great line, “Have you ever noticed whenever there’s a problem, you’re always there?” He’s pointing out that, not only are you part of the problem, you attracted it – because it’s actually you, and coming from you. The world is a mirror, reflecting what you believe about the world itself. If you look out and see your husband being negative, you’ve got to take that in and go, “Some part of me is being negative. I’m projecting it into the world and it’s being reflected back to me through my husband.” This is the deeper healing – it’s not about healing him. That’s like trying to put your makeup on by looking in the mirror, but putting the makeup on the mirror. That’s not going to help you. You have to look at yourself, and question your beliefs. This is when a Miracles Coach can make a difference. You can also clean and clear it by saying the phrases, “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” You’re not saying them to your husband. You say it inside yourself to your connection with all that is – some call God, or the Divine. You’re saying to God, “Please erase this program within me,” not, “erase it in my husband.” This is how Dr. Hew Len helped heal an entire ward of mentally ill criminals in Hawaii, where he worked for four years. He didn’t try to change the patients because their therapists had already tried that and it didn’t work. At that point, the patients were being sedated and shackled. Nothing was working. As a last resort, the hospital brought in this unusual therapist and said, “Do whatever you want because nothing else is working.” So he did Ho’oponopono. He’d look at the patients, or their files, and feel whatever emotion came up – repulsion, anger, shame. He didn’t try to change the patient, only the feeling that was keeping him from the clarity of the moment. He repeated the four phrases internally, “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you,” saying them over and over, in any order. As he kept doing that, the patients started to get better. So we’re not trying to heal a husband. What we’re trying to do is clear up a program, a negative belief, in the person who perceives it in the other.